Rescue Desk

I like to think I have quite a few good qualities. I’m pretty smart, I work hard, I’m honest, I’ve got a sense of humor, I’m easy to get along with, I’m a good listener, I’m conscientious and I’m an above-average speller.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m certainly not sugar and spice and everything nice, either. I’m impatient, I’m a perfectionist, I cry when I don’t get enough sleep, overly dramatic people get on my nerves, I have no will power when it comes to cake, I sometimes drive too fast and I can’t cook.

But, the one quality that has rarely served me very well is that I’m shy.

Throw me into a room with a bunch of strangers, and I spend more time quietly surveying the room from the sidelines than actively injecting myself into the scene. My face contorts into visible pain when someone says, “Let’s do an ice breaker!” My brain goes into overdrive, trying to figure out how to stealthily slink along the wall and slip out the exit. I’m like the James Bond of networking functions – always thinking contingency plans and counter-attacks in order to evade the ice-breaking enemy.

As you can imagine, being shy doesn’t mesh well with running a small business  – especially when the business is young and, by its very nature, relies heavily on referrals and connections.

But, there is one thing that gives me comfort – I know I’m not alone.

So, for all my fellow introverts out there, here are a few lessons I’m learning from the networking front lines.

1. Start small. Don’t head to a networking-only function of a few hundred people and expect to leave the heart palpitations at the door. Instead, go to a conference or a speaker, where you can sit next to just a few people. It’s good practice, and it’s easier and more natural to strike up a conversation about the presentation than to randomly blurt out statements over cocktail wieners and trying to segue into handing over a business card.
2. Chill out. Move at your own pace, just as long as you are moving.  I once had a supervisor who, before I left for a conference, said “Come back with business cards of at least 20 potential new writers.” I almost fainted on the spot. I did come back with cards – five, total. But, knowing me the way I did, I was proud of myself for getting that many. It made it a little easier next time. (And I just changed the subject when my supervisor brought up the conference.)
3. Trust yourself. You’re there for a reason, and you know more than you think you do. Your boss chose you to attend because he or she is confident in you. If you’re advocating for your own product or service, you’re probably pretty hyped about it … and that enthusiasm shows naturally. I can say it’s easier for me to chat with people about what I do because I’m fiercely excited about it, and that usually overshadows any self-consciousness. 
4. Use it to your advantage. As natural introverts, we tend to listen more than we speak when sitting around a dinner table of colleagues. That means you’re primed to ask intelligent questions because you really heard what someone was saying.
5. You won’t be wrong. It’s a common fear among the shy that we’ll say the “wrong” thing and wind up embarrassed. Well, in all my years, I can count on one hand the number of times I heard someone say something that could maybe be construed as “wrong” (and half of those times, it was only because whoever it was didn’t shut his trap, and it ended up being a simple misunderstanding). How many times can you think of when someone said something wrong? Your chances are pretty good that you’ll be fine when you speak up.

So, for all you shy bunnies out there, take heart. Be yourself and have a little faith. You’ll be great!

And for those who think ice-breaking activities are a good idea? Make sure there aren’t too many folks lined up along the walls, ready at a moment’s notice to jump into action and deploy a diversional tactic in order to slink out the back door.